The phrase ‘networking event’ is enough to put the frighteners on many people. It conjures up images of polyester suits, fake smiles and hovering by the pastries table, feeling both horribly self-conscious and totally invisible.
Let’s face it, talking to strangers at the best of times can be hard. Networking, as a definition, means not only talking to strangers, but getting them on your contacts list. Underneath that lies the implication that networking can help your care– or whatever journey you’re currently on. It sounds unpleasant, and if you’ve attended such an event, you might even have bonded with other people there who disliked the experience as much as you did.
Now, imagine that you could reframe it all, even if you’re shy or awkward. That, with a few adjustments in expectations and perception, you could look forward to networking. That it might even be (whisper) something you enjoy.
Outside the comfort zone
Firstly, it’s good to recognise that you don’t have to attend one. You might think you ought to, but you’re entitled to stay at home in your pyjamas if you’d prefer. It’s a voluntary, often uncomfortable act, and the effort you make is usually under-appreciated. But, given that it is a choice, why not make it a positive one? At the very least, you’ll be doing something new – and the further it is from your comfort zone, the better for your neurons. Synaptic connections are formed when something both new and difficult is done, making you sharper and more able to accept change. And, at best, you might talk to someone who’ll change your life in all sorts of wonderful ways, which you won’t get at home in your pyjamas.
Reframe the event as an opportunity – and not for your career. Networking is about connecting with humans in real life (even if it’s an online event, you’re still talking, rather than tapping out comments in a social-media post). You might have nothing in common with the person you chat to – even better, for how often do you get to meet people outside of your echo chamber? However, you might find common ground that lies outside of your work. It could be a shared love of gardening or knowledge of cloud formations, or any of the other varied ways in which humans can connect. All the same, nattering to strangers often feels disconcerting. And, even if you usually have no trouble striking up a conversation, the pressure of being expected to do so can cause your conversational wires to short-circuit. Remember, though, that you probably look more confident than you feel, which will be the case for many people.
Inside the questions
So, how do you get from awkward silence to happy chit-chat? Many networking events provide you with topics to discuss – but even if there aren’t any, asking an involved question is a nice way to get to know somebody. That’s why, at parties, the first topic between strangers is often how they know the host – and that’s a route to all sorts of interesting information. You can adjust this for a networking event – see the examples at the end of the panel overleaf for ways that you can connect with someone and let one question lead to another.
And remember that if your social overtures fall flat on their face, it doesn’t matter. Your limbic brain might perceive it as literal death, but if the person you’re talking to hasn’t the grace to make you feel more comfortable, that says something about their lack of awareness, not yours. In reality, there are no rules around what you should and shouldn’t do. But if you’re looking for a guide to turn a dreaded hour or two into a pleasant way to pass the time, see the suggestions over the page. And, next time you’re standing in a room with lots of people you don’t know, remember that – in the vein of the quote erroneously attributed to Irish poet WB Yeats – a networking event is a chance to encounter a bunch of friends you haven’t yet met.
How to navigate the discomfort
- Networking is about connection, not sales… It’s better to make one genuine connection than thrust business cards into the hands of everyone you meet. You might go home having chatted to only one person all evening – and that’s fine.
- …but keep a one-line pitch in your head anyway. All the same, people often are interested in what you do and what you offer. Keep it simple – don’t spend 15 minutes explaining your business in detail. Decide what you’d like to tell people and deliver a description in one succinct line.
- Talk to someone you don’t think you’ve anything in common with. It might feel hard, but use the event as an opportunity to chat to someone you’d never normally meet. They might not be your ideal client or contact, but who knows what magic might be wrought by that conversation?
- Bond through shared passions. Find out what drives someone’s work or project. Ask questions, dive deep and enjoy the learning. If it’s appropriate, people are likely to enjoy hearing about your passions, too.
- Share what you know. You’ll have contacts, expertise and knowledge that others don’t – see an event like this as a chance to share them with open-hearted generosity and without expecting anything back in return.
And if you get stuck, try these all-purpose questions that might lead to a longer conversation:
- What made you come here today?
- Where do you live? What do you love about it? How did you end up there?
- What have you done that you’re proud of?
- What do you love about what you do?