Picture this: you’ve picked a restaurant that you’ve always wanted to go to, ordered the most exciting dish on the menu and a glass of nice wine to go with it. As you lift your fork to tuck in, you raise a silent toast to yourself for such an excellent choice, then proceed to savour every last mouthful of the spread in front of you, without interruption. This is the pleasure of dining out alone.
Food for thought
A meal, the act of breaking bread, is often regarded as a social or communal occasion. However, change is afoot, as what British food writer and TV cook Nigella Lawson once called a ‘solo ceremony for the senses’ is becoming more popular than ever. Over the past five years, Google searches for ‘dining solo’ have risen by 260 per cent, while, from 1 January to 18 July 2024, restaurant-reservation platform OpenTable saw a 13 per cent rise in solo bookings compared with the same period in 2023. Laure Bornet, vice president of international growth at the platform, says: ‘Whether it be due to Brits indulging in self-care and needing some me time, or the return of business travel, many restaurants across the country are supporting this trend by catering for those dining solo – from bar seating to set menus.’
Solo dining doesn’t come naturally to everyone, though. It’s something that takes practice, but the benefits are huge and, with its popularity growing, it’s becoming easier than ever.
Invisible barriers
For those new to solo dining, it’s natural to be hesitant about the experience. Often, the biggest fear concerns what others might be thinking. ‘It’s natural to worry about this. It’s an evolutionary response to look for approval,’ says Gin Lalli, a solution-focused psychotherapist and clinical hypnotherapist based in Edinburgh, Scotland. In this case, the worry is often that others will perceive you as lonely or isolated. ‘The fear of being judged and feeling embarrassed is the most common barrier to solo dining,’ Gin adds.
If you’re not used to spending time alone, especially in a public or social setting, where most other people are paired up or in groups, the experience itself can heighten these feelings. ‘If you feel uncomfortable without company, this can lead to feeling out of place and overthinking about how other people perceive you,’ says Stefanie Daniels, a Hertfordshire-based work–life coach and naturopath.
Beyond feeling self-conscious, another common barrier is the potential discomfort of being alone with your thoughts and emotions. ‘In our fast-paced lives, we can sometimes subconsciously internalise negative emotions, but when we’re alone, these thoughts can surface,’ says Stefanie. ‘It’s this introspection that can make solo dining feel even more intimidating than it truly is.’
While in some parts of the world eating out alone might be considered unusal, in others, it’s a different story. For example, in Japan, many restaurants and cafés have long had seats known as bocchi seki (‘table for one’ or ‘alone seat’), dedicated to solo diners. However, in the West, where sharing-plate concepts have become increasingly common, special treatment for solo diners has only gained traction in more recent times.
The growth in open kitchens and counter or bar-style dining has certainly benefited solo diners, and more and more eateries are finding ways to make the experience special. Pasta chain Vapiano, which has branches in London and Manchester in the UK, as well as 31 other countries, has created a National Solo Dining Day, with 40 per cent off. Also in London, Brutto offers solo diners a spritz on the house and staff at Kiln try to keep a single seat free at the bar for those dining alone.
Culturally, the concept of dining for one is also having a moment. Food writer Julia Georgallis launched the podcast How To Eat Alone to explore ‘the uncelebrated art of eating alone’, and portrait photographer Nancy A Scherl’s book, Dining Alone: In the Company of Solitude, showcases the solo diner in a new light.
For those inspired to eat out solo, the experience can be rewarding and life-enriching. After all, enjoying a meal in your own company is a form of self-care. ‘It’s a chance to reflect, unwind and reconnect with your inner thoughts and feelings,’ says Stefanie. This can be incredibly rejuvenating and help you approach life with a clearer mind and renewed energy. While the dining-alone muscle might take a little while to strengthen, in time, it helps you to become more confident, independent and assertive. ‘It allows you to claim your space and time unapologetically,’ says Stefanie.
The more you dine alone, the more comfortable you will feel in your own company, both in restaurants and in life more generally. The freedom to choose any restaurant or dish, without compromising, fosters self-belief and confidence. ‘It means you can focus on your personal preferences – it’s the ultimate self-awareness exercise,’ says Gin.
Quality time
Dining alone also improves the eating experience itself. Solo dining is arguably the most mindful way to eat a meal. Without the distraction of conversation, you can focus fully on the sensory aspect of eating, savouring and appreciating food fully. ‘We enter the “rest-and-digest” state, where we gain a deeper appreciation for flavours and textures,’ says Stefanie.
While you might be dining alone, the lovely thing about a busy restaurant is that you’re surrounded by people and could even find yourself talking to some. Diners are often more inclined to chat to those they see alone than people in couples or groups. ‘Solo dining can help you gain human connection, because it provides opportunities to engage with strangers or staff and foster new social connections,’ says Gin.
If you ever fall into thinking that others are questioning why you’re alone or if you’re lonely, consider that they might be thinking the exact opposite. Says Stefanie: ‘Other diners may actually be admiring your confidence and wishing they could do the same. By embracing solo dining, you may unintentionally be inspiring others to step out of their comfort zone.’
Find out more about Gin and Stefanie at ginlalli.com and lbam.uk
Table for one
Make the most of your solo date
Start small
Try going for a coffee or a quick lunch and then gradually build up to longer dinners out solo.
Prepare in advance
If you’re feeling nervous, choose a restaurant you know or are familiar with. Check the menu online first and prepare your order.
Pick your seat
Where you sit in the restaurant can make a big difference to the experience. Consider facing in, so you can people-watch, or at the bar if you want to interact with staff.
Train your thoughts
Remind yourself that dining alone is a normal and enriching experience. Replace negative thoughts with positive affirmations about your independence and self-sufficiency.
Embrace your senses
Concentrate on the colours, textures and flavours of the food. Notice the sounds of your surroundings and the ambience of the restaurant. This sensory immersion can help ground you in the present moment, reducing any feelings of self-consciousness.
Take deep breaths
If you feel anxious, deep belly-breathing exercises can help activate the vagus nerve (the one that travels from the gut to the brain), which can calm both the mind and the body.
Create connection
Engage with the staff by making small talk or asking for menu recommendations. Acts of connection like this can help you feel less isolated.
Take your phone off the table
It can be tempting to replace human connection with your smartphone, but to get the most out of the experience, try not to bury yourself in a screen. Set yourself an intention to be present and enjoy the meal without distraction. If you don’t feel comfortable without something to look at, you might try journalling in a notepad or keep a book to hand to read.