Over the past decade, men’s mental health has gone from hot topic to serious issue of worldwide concern. But despite the greater awareness and a concerted push for more resources, the statistics remain shocking.
Mental health problems affect almost everyone in one way or another. According to the NHS, one in four British adults experiences ‘at least one diagnosable mental health problem’ in any given year. That makes it very likely that most people will have someone in their life facing such a challenge. This statistic applies across society, but when it comes to finding help, there are marked differences between men and women. In the UK, only 36 per cent of referrals to NHS talking therapies are for men, who are three times more likely to end their own lives than women.
Not every country compiles comparable data, but in the world’s leading economy, the story is no less bleak. According to the National Center for Health Statistics, the annual suicide rate in the US increased by 30 per cent between 2000 and 2020, and 78.7 per cent of those who ended their lives were men. In 2023, the suicide rate in the US reached a record high. A particularly telling statistic can be found in the research for the 2022 National Confidential Inquiry into Suicide and Safety in Mental Health. This study found that 73 per cent of people who died by suicide between 2010 and 2020 in the UK were not in contact with mental health services.
Together, these grim figures suggest that there are millions of men with mental health problems that need to be addressed who don’t seek help. So, what’s preventing them from telling someone they’re having a tough time? ‘It’s not every man’s first instinct to put up their hand and ask for help when they’re struggling, let alone to know exactly what is going on for them or how to communicate it,’ says Zac Seidler, clinical psychologist and global director for Men’s Health Research at Movember, an international charity that describes itself as being ‘dedicated to changing the face of men’s health’.
It won’t be news to anyone that the traditional model of men being emotionally self-sufficient and impervious to setbacks still has a hold on both sides of the gender divide. This means that when mental health becomes an issue, men can find themselves in a paralysing bind with nowhere to go.
But aside from that, there’s still a long way to go in educating men and everyone else about the signs that indicate help is needed. ‘We want to make sure guys can spot the signs and know what healthy coping looks like,’ says Zac. ‘But if we’re asking guys to reach out for support, we need to make sure that those around them are ready to listen. That means ensuring that their family, friends and colleagues don’t shut them down or shame them, but rather offer them effective opportunities to explore and work together towards a solution.’
Zac acknowledges that one size will not fit all and that there are significant differences in obstacles according to a man’s age, background and circumstances. Each life stage can make men vulnerable to particular problems: ‘Young men have a unique set of difficulties in the face of trying to work out who they are and how to interact with the world that puts them at greater risk of some mental health difficulties. In the middle years, life changes, such as fatherhood and the breakdown of relationships, represent serious risks.’
At greatest risk are men who are at the edges of society. They might be on the margins because of their ethnicity, sexuality, physical health issues or a low level of income. These are the people who are often hardest hit in times of adversity. Contacting them and providing effective support is a major challenge. ‘What we hear time and time again from men on the ground is that their distress goes unnoticed or minimised,’ says Zac. ‘They’re either too vulnerable and emotional, or not open enough. We need to be willing to sit with men’s emotions, their communication styles and their experiences as they arise.’
For many, the obvious person to turn to in difficult times is a life partner or loved one, but the received wisdom is that men find it difficult to open up. Zac says that this is changing, but more and different support is also needed: ‘The research actually tells us that men are doing a hell of a lot of sharing with their partners and women in their lives, often laying too much of their emotional load on a single person.’
This presents a challenge as to how that burden can be shared. Movember is among the organisations promoting the idea of men supporting each other, opening up to friends and helping them form a support network. And when it comes to the style of communication, open but direct is seen as the way forward. ‘We ask men what they need, we don’t just assume or stereotype,’ says Zac. ‘We speak their language, we don’t sugarcoat the shit they are going through and we are focused on goals and solutions, not just talking for the sake of talking.’
It’s not just men who’ll benefit from this approach, either. As Zac says: ‘If we can improve men’s health outcomes, everyone benefits. The data shows us that when men are struggling, those around them tend to suffer. From addiction to violence and suicide, men’s poor mental health concerns us all, and if we can start to address these issues head on, women, children and communities will [also] stand to benefit.’
Warning signs
If someone is struggling with poor mental health they might be…
- Experiencing sleep problems.
- Eating less or more than usual.
Forgetting grooming (no clean clothes, not showering or brushing teeth).
- Avoiding social situations.
- Missing social or sports events.
- Going quiet on social media or messaging apps.
- Being more irritable than usual.
Talking of death and dying or increased hopelessness.
How To Help
What to do to support a family member or friend who’s struggling with their mental health
Listen
Simply listening to how they’re feeling can be reassuring. If they’re finding it difficult to open up, let them know that you’re there when they’re ready to talk.
Offer reassurance
Seeking help can feel lonely, and sometimes scary. Let them know they’re not alone and that you’re there for them.
Stay calm
This often makes them feel calmer, too – and show them that they can talk to you openly without upsetting you.
Be patient
It’s important to let them set the pace for seeking support and tell you what’s going in their own time.
Try not to make assumptions
Your perspective might be useful, but try not to assume that you already know what might have caused them to feel the way they do or what will help.
Maintain social contact
Try to keep things as normal as possible. Talk about other subjects and involve them in social events.
For more information and guidance visit mind.org.uk. The Campaign Against Living Miserably also has advice for those trying to help others at thecalmzone.net. If you believe someone (including yourself) is in danger, call 999 or go to A&E immediately. The Samaritans – samaritans.org – also has a 24/7 helpline, 365 days a year.
For practical advice on how men can live happier, healthier, longer lives, visit movember.com